can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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