How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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