We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
