I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize