What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
