Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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