my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
