Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
