She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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