Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
