Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
