Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
