You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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