Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This toilet bowl is my home.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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