please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
