do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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