I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
