remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Enjoy the penises
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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