I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
