I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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