Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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