Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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