you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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