i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
