After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
