he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize