So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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