sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
