yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
tell me about the fingering
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
