I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
