u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
