I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just found a bag of teeth...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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