I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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