You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
