I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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