a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Congratulations! We have a period
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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