Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize