Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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