Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
