I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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