I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
