I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Dear god my vagina.
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