You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
