two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
