Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
