If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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