You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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