so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The struggles of a small town man whore
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
