She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
