I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
