You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
COCAINE IS GR8
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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