i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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