I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
either way he was missing a nipple.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
