new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My ass is underappreciated
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
