Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
