Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
