so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
