party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
