my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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