ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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