I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
