We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
