I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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